June 3rd, Oceanside, California 7:42 AM

June 3rd, Oceanside, California 7:42 AM
Dawn broke against the eastern sky. I rolled over in my bed and smiled at my sleeping bed partner. Alyssa was sound asleep and her chocolate curls covered her cherub face. I kissed my daughter's forehead and made my way out of bed. She looked so beautiful lying there. She was only six and hadn't been able to sleep in her own bed since her father died in March.

On March 20th, Joseph Martinez had been driving home from a construction job and was killed in a hit and run accident on Pacific Coast Highway. Each night I recounted that horrible night and the horrific aftermath. Each day grew darker for Alyssa and me, who missed him terribly. Sometimes when I woke up in the morning I felt like he was still there beside me, but realized that he had only left half of himself with me. Joseph was a wonderful father and husband and I had come to understand that sometimes bad things happen to good people. My daughter was not so forgiving of the Lord.

So I began my Saturday morning, cooking breakfast, cleaning house and playing Go Fish with my little girl. I never won. She was too good. She was watching a Hannah Montana epsiode for probably the 15th time when I decided to go into Joseph's old office and clear things out. It had taken me two months to even open that door. I didn't want it to change. I wanted it to be just as he left it when he came home. But he wasn't coming home.

My therapist said that it would be emotionally cleansing to clear out all of his things that weren't of any importance to me. She said that throwing away all of the non-essential things would be like a weight lifted off of my chest. I had felt that weight, everyday and thought that eventually my chest would collapse under the pressure.

I sat down in his large, black, leather office chair, ready to peruse through old paperwork. I glided my finger through the layer of dust now covering his oak desk. Everything still in its place. A pen lay next to a contractor's bill. Was I supposed to pay that? I didn't know. I normally didn't meddle in his work affairs. I opened the first drawer to the enormous desk and what I saw, chilled every bone in my body.. A black 8 mm video cassette case with a note that read, " JESS WATCH ME!"